Since about mid-January I've been taking an SSRI and anti-anxiety medication. I started them for a lot of reasons that I don't want to get into, but let's just say they've helped. But not without some side effects. One being nigh uncontrollable dizzy spells. The second being an overwhelming blanket of boredom and apathy, and the inability to concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes. Pretty much the only enjoyable activities I've been able to get into lately, other than lying in bed face-down, is watching Oliver Age 24 videos on youtube and playing Candy Crush: the most addictive and soul-crushing ADHD game on the planet. I can't even find the spark of interest to play Xbox anymore, which I'm sure puts me at the bottom of the totem pole of pure sloth.
I've tried getting through A Dance with Dragons, because surely magic and gratuitous sex scenes can get me back into reading, right? But no luck. I've checked the ebook out from the library a record six times without completing it. My doctor warned me SSRIs can cause a lack of interest in sex. Perhaps my version of this is a lack of interest in fictional wizard-y people having sex.
Regardless, I'm still super glad I started taking the medications. And I don't mean to discourage anyone from taking them. But the side effects have been a (non)wild ride. Try functioning as a human being when you simultaneously have somnolence and insomnia.
So, my goal for July - December? Still the remaining 14,231 pages. I'll give it a ... hey, I just got another life in Candy Crush! Excuse me...
I have a 8 year history with SSRI's. You can see the effects start in a month, but the side-effects take a long time to level out. But eventually, you'll find that you don't feel different anymore. Not depressed, but not a sloth. It takes a ton of patience. Then, if you change what type of ssri or just the dose, you get to go through it all again.
ReplyDeleteOh, and if you think the side-effects are bad, wait til you've been on them a while and then forget a few days. Awful. Then again, I feel like I'd be divorced, in jail, and possibly even dead if I hadn't started on the ssri's. So it's a no-brainer for me.
On a non-related topic, my totally SSRI-free wife cannot stop playing fucking Candy Crush. She plays it during TV shows and movies. All the damn time. Pretty soon she'll be playing it in the shower or in the bedroom.
"How's that feel baby?"
"Sorry, what? Was playing candy crush."
It really should be renamed Cocaine Crush. Its addictiveness is off the charts.
DeleteAnd to continue your scene:
"YES! YES!"
"Oh yeah baby, you like that?"
"What? No, I got side-by-side speckled candies. Imma destroy this bitch."
I used to take Zoloft for my social anxiety and depression, and it caused the same apathy. It was like trying to think underwater. I stopped taking them because they were too expensive, so I still have the social anxiety, but playing in fictional worlds I create causes me not to be depressed. I'll take the trade off. LOL!
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